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A young woman recently moved into the neighborhood. When I met her, she looked like she had just spent a month camping with the Osbournes – not a great look, in my opinion. Bumped into her last night as she was coming home from work and she had done a 180 and looked like a supermodel. My point? I don’t know which one she is…but I know which one these players are:

RUNNING BACKS

Chris Johnson, Tennessee (Six points in Week One, 45 in Week Two): This one’s easy. In the opener, Johnson was going against the Steelers. This week, he faced the Texans. Keep him, start him.
Frank Gore, San Francisco (16-35): If I owned Gore, I would try and trade him now. I’m not saying he won’t be good the rest of the season – I think he will be decent. However, I am a big fan of “selling high.” You shouldn’t rush to dump him, but if you can find the right owner to overpay for Gore – do it.

YOU: “Wait, Tito. Shouldn’t I trade Chris Johnson – you know, “sell high”?

ME: “No, Johnson is explosive and can carry your team. He has more good weeks in him. Gore will be inconsistent.”

YOU: “Wow, Tito – you are a guru.”

ME: “And you are a smart person.”

YOU: “This is ridiculous. Please stop embarrassing yourself.”

Julius Jones, Seattle (18-7): I tried to move Julius Jones after his performance in Week One. I couldn’t move him. I am now stuck with Julius Jones. I am not happy about being stuck with Julius Jones.

Thomas Jones, N.Y. Jets (22-7): It’s a really simple rule, and I can explain it in one sentence: If you have an old running back and he’s on a team with two younger, more productive running backs with more upside and the older running back goes off in a week then you should really try and move him before he follows up with a really bad week and then you can’t move him. Okay, it’s a really long “one sentence.” But you get it.

Ronnie Brown, Miami (5-25): Miami will continue to run the ball, and then run the ball…and then run the ball. I like Brown more now than I did in the preseason. See, I can admit when I’m wrong (please forward to all exes).

Maurice Jones-Drew, Jacksonville (17-7): Will have a lot more “17 and up” weeks and a lot less “under 10” weeks. Try and trade Gore for him.

QUARTERBACKS

Tony Romo, Dallas (26-9): Remember when Cowboy fans said Romo got worse when he started dating Jessica Simpson? Well, he still stinks. In his last six games, he is averaging 228 yards passing and has nine touchdown passes and nine interceptions. You’re probably stuck with him, because you drafted him too high. Find that goober Cowboy fan in your league.

Tom Brady, New England (21-6): He isn’t 2007-good, but he will be fine.

Matt Hasselbeck, Seattle (19-4): He isn’t 2007-good. He does turn 34 on Friday, but that’s in human years. In dog years, he’s going to be 238. It’s hard to sell an old dog.

Matt Schaub, Houston (4-30): Before the season started, I said he could be a top-5 quarterback this season. I stand by that, and I hope you stood by Schaub. I stand by what I said in August.

WIDE RECEIVERS/TIGHT ENDS

Greg Jennings, Green Bay (18-0): He was only targeted five times in Week Two. Think that’s low? He only got eight looks in Week One. I don’t think you should get rid of him, but I wonder if he will be a #1 WR this year.

Andre Johnson, Houston (3-26): See Schaub, Matt.

Marques Colston, New Orleans (9-21): Lots of mouths to feed in New Orleans. I put Colston in the same category as Jennings. I love him as my #2 WR, but I am skeered if he is my #1 WR.

Roy Williams, Dallas (14-1): He is one of those “never have on my team” guys. Don’t trust him, won’t trust him, will let someone else have him.

Steve Smith, N.Y. Giants (8-19): If I had to choose between Smith and Mario Manningham, I would choose Smith.

Steve Smith, Carolina (2-13): Unfortunately, he’s got Jake Delhomme throwing to him. If you can get decent value for him, I say dump him.

John Carlson, Seattle (21-4) and Jeremy Shockey, New Orleans (15-4): These guys are mid-level tight ends. They aren’t elite, but they are better than most. What they did the first two weeks is what you are going to get for the season. Supermodel one week, OzzFest the next.

Here’s hoping you have a lot less Ozzy in your fantasy world.